Conviction
by Illumi Senri
Summary: Gon vowed to protect Killua at all cost. No matter what, even if he had to sold his soul to the devil just to achieve that feat. And just when Gon is getting desperate, Hisoka appeared before him. Hisoka offered to tell him the secret of being strong. (Warning: Rape, raw sadism, violence) HisoGon


(A/N: The original uncut version)

_Any person, when driven to a corner, they would fight and sometimes overcome their weaknesses. Desperations, sometimes resulted to impulsive decisions._

_But I know that even if I go back on time I would still do the same thing. Because I love Killua. I would do anything for him. Even if I had to sold my soul to the devil._

2 years or so ago..

After Gon and Killua separated, before he took off to follow Ging on his journey, Biske talk to him. Being serious and all. He didn't get to meet Biske alone right after he got released from the hospital What with the ruckus of the celebration for his recovery and he met Ging, finally.

Biske called him over to talk about something important. "What is it? Biske-san?" Gon asked Biske. And instead of being answered, he was punched solidly to the right side of his face. "I told you to call me Biske-chan or just Biske..!" She shouted, her hands on her hips ready to reprimand him more.

"I got it, Biske. You don't have to punch me. That hurts." Gon said while massaging his cheeks with his left hand. When he looked up at Biske , he saw she was crying. "Idiot..! I punched you because you're an idiot..!" The she started her long ranting and raving about Gon's recklessness.

Although that long and winded discussion is sort of traumatizing, what with the occasional slap or punch from Biske. He couldn't help but feel Biske's parental concern for him, so much like Aunt Mito, though way too violent. Biske really cared for him. And it's his fault.

But the things Biske told him after that are deeply engraved into him. That pushed him to do what he has to do and gave him a new goal and purpose in life now that he finally found Ging. There is one thing that he had to do. Something he must do. And a person that he had to protect at all cost.

"Listen Gon, Killua almost died trying to save you."Biske said and he told him in painstaking detail what really transpired while he's uselessly lying on the hospital bed. That did it, he only felt a bit of remorse and guilt because everything turned out alright in the end.

The naïve way of thinking that conclusion is all that matters. But he unknowingly almost got Killua killed. His most important person almost died. Because of him. And for the first time, he was wracked by guilt and remorse. The paralyzing fear of almost losing Killua left him numb. And he made up his mind.

This time, he'll be the one to protect Killua. This time for sure, he wouldn't become a burden to Killua. Not anymore. This time, he would no longer give Killua a very hard time. He'll carry the burden. But in order to do that, he needed to be strong first. He'll do anything to be strong. Be strong enough to protect Killua.

"I know I'm breaking my promise to Killua not to tell you. He made everyone promised. Everyone in the hospital with you knows. Morau, Knov, Leorio, Hanzo and some of your friends knows, but they promised Killua. But as your master, I deemed it right to tell you. You're always being reckless and you always moved without thinking things over. Killua always clean up after you. You never realized that, did you? He's willing to die just for you. And he almost did, just to preserve your innocence and naivety. But you have to grow up Gon. That's why I'm telling this to you. You have to shed that obliviousness and naïve way of thinking. Unless you want to learn the hard way, when you finally lose Killua." Biske said seriously.

Gon looked down in shame. Clutching his knuckles the whole time. That hurts more that punches and slaps. Because its true. Everything she said is true. Biske is always right. He almost got Killua killed. He had to grow up. After that, he thanked Biske for telling him and they separated.

1 1/2 Year Ago

It was one of those times that Ging left him in the Republic of Padokia and told him to wait for him. He said he's going to take care some business(Without telling him where he's going and how long. Irresponsible as ever). Vague as ever. Gon didn't know the reason until a little over six months when Ging told him that he's preparing to go to the Dark Continent.

A week later, Gon finally realized that Ging might be gone for a little while. Since he's already in the Republic of Padokia anyway, he decided to enter The Heaven's Arena once again. Partly to kill some time, but mostly to train. Although not until he reached 200th floor did he finally meet some worthy opponent. And another trouble is…

Hisoka is also there. To kill some time apparently. Or so he told him, but knows enough that Hisoka lies all the time. And as usual, things might get bloody and troublesome. Except this time Hisoka, observant and nosy as he is pointed something out.

"Heh, fancy meeting you here. Will you play with me? I'm bored. But I guess you'll pass. You're distracted. Something bothering you and its got something to do with Killua." Hisoka said with that knowing smile and smirk.

"How did you know?!" Gon asked. Surprised.

"I just guessed. You're too easy to read. How fun..!" Hisoka said in his usual teasing manner.

"You tricked me..!" Gon pouted.

"That's because you're too oblivious and naïve, as always. You don't change at all."

Gon's atmosphere darkened. He's been trying hard to change and to lose that obliviousness and naivety. "Fine, I'm stupid. I just want to get stronger and get rid of this innocence that everybody found amusing…!" Gon's sudden outburst both startled and amused Hisoka.

"Get stronger and lost your naïve ways? I know a thing or two to achieve both in no time at all. I could even teach you. But I'm not sure I'll like you without your innocence and obliviousness. It would no longer be fun to tease you then." Hisoka said seriously with a hint of amusement in his tone.

"Really? You know how? Will you please tell me?" Gon is really desperate. Time is running out. And the training with Ging though it will probably help him a lot in a long run, but would probably took a lot of time. He needed to get stronger as soon as possible. For Killua.

"Sure. But you can't back out halfway." When Hisoka looked at Gon, he saw then his unwavering determination. "Well if you're sure, meet me at my floor tonight at midnight. You know where it is, don't you? I'll wait for you." Hisoka walked away without waiting for his reply. Waving his hand in a gesture of 'see you later'.

Midnight..

Hisoka is a Floor Master in Heaven's arena and he's on 247th Floor. As Gon rode the elevator, he got some time to contemplate his decision. Meeting Hisoka is definitely dangerous. But the knowledge he might impart to him is definitely worth the risk. And its too late to back out now.

Its approximately 11:52 when Gon finally set foot on the 247th floor. It came as a surprised to him that the walls are adorned with suit symbols (Hearts, Diamonds, Clubs and Spades) in deep crimson in contrast with the jet black walls. A decoration that left Gon little or no doubt that he's on the right floor. Even if he went here accidentally, he would know right away that this is definitely Hisoka's.

Other than the creepy wallpaper, the floor looked very much like his quarters in 211th floor. Except the rooms are only few and probably beyond the door are rooms with different functions, since technically, only Hisoka live here.

He walked straight to the furthest door on the left. That's where he felt Hisoka's aura. Clearly, Hisoka knows that he already stepped on the floor. He turned the doorknob without hesitation and entered the room. It was very dark inside. But his eyes easily got accustomed to the darkness. The room is completely empty. The room is devoid of decorations or furniture. The only light is coming from the floor to ceiling window that lined the entire opposite wall. The view is beautiful. You could see the city and the sky seemed so close.

But in the middle of the room, Hisoka is sitting crossed legged, building card castles. His favorite pass time. "What took you so long? I got bored." Hisoka said without looking up to meet Gon's gaze. "You said midnight right? Its only 11:55, you said midnight." Gon said evenly.

"Oh, did I?" Hisoka said with a genuine puzzlement in his eyes. "I just told you that to make the atmosphere looked like a rendezvous of two lovers eloping. You could've come earlier its not like I got anything better to do." Hisoka said, finally looking up to see Gon blushed in indignation.

"Y-You..!" But before Gon could say something more, a sharp object fly past him and cut his left cheek clean. The blood dripped from his face. His eyes darted on that direction and saw a joker card stuck on the door he just closed.

"First sign of naivety, you came here unquestioningly, without preparations. It didn't even occurred to you that I might be lying and I just want to kill you. Or did you think that I can't kill you? Or are you underestimating me thinking you could beat me or better, run away from me at first sign of trouble?" Within seconds, Hisoka's joking manner turned deadly. This means business.

Every word Hisoka uttered struck the point home. He's silent the whole time. Because Hisoka is right. He didn't think about this enough and just leaped at the first offer. But he finally said. "I know you wouldn't kill me. I'm not yet strong enough to be worth your time to kill." Gon said. Even that line is humiliating for Gon, to admit that he's so insignificant and weak.

"Good point. I won't kill you, at the very least not yet. But I'll be teaching you a lesson that would make you naivety and innocence to disappear for good." In that creepy smile he said those words as if enjoying a joke that only he can get. "Are you prepared?" Gon nodded. "Then show me your conviction."

"The fastest way to make your nen stronger is the vow or contract. You do know about it right? Since you almost died from the vow after all, Illumi told me. But if you made the right vow, setting the limitations to what you truly want with convictions that wouldn't waver, it would work out for you. Any sane master would advice you against it. But since you want to become strong fast, that's the only way even with the enormous talent like yours it would still take years."

Gon nodded in confirmation. "I already know about that. But somehow, I could no longer place a vow and limitations to myself." Hisoka smiled at that. "That's because you lacked the conviction and determination. If you're heart is not really into it, nothing will happen. Look at Kurapika's conviction in killing the whole Phantom Troupe for revenge, he became stronger in a small amount of time. But his nen is only limited to killing the Phantom Troupe. Remember the feeling of when you first activated the vow." Hisoka

"Yes, I was desperate that time. My only wish that time is to Kill Neferpitou and I don't care what will happen after that. I think I made a vow while thinking 'I don't care if this is the end' with so much hatred and guilt. So basically, I just need a strict vow that won't be too extreme to kill me." He said, finally getting Hisoka's point.

"Gooooood boy..!" Hisoka said while beaming at Gon with that creepy smile. Then he added "I thought it would be similar to explaining Confucius to a dog." Hisoka chuckled. Veins popping, "The heck was that supposed to mean.." Gon didn't know who or what Confucius is, but in Hisoka's tone of voice clearly indicated that he thought Gon would be too stupid to get it.

"Ah well now that you get it, let's proceed to getting rid of you obliviousness and naïve way of thinking." Hisoka's eyes turning serious and he gazed at Gon with a look akin to a predator eyeing his favorite prey. His tongue wet his lips in way that disturbed most people.

After getting some useful information from Hisoka, Gon lose the tension and alertness he was feeling earlier. But in a speed that was too fast for him to follow, Hisoka punched his gut. Not strong enough to make him lose consciousness but enough to sapped his strength and paralyzed him temporarily. Hisoka is clearly holding back.

Gon didn't have time to react when Hisoka used his bungee gum and bound his wrist. Pin him effectively on the floor. Hisoka touched his crotch. "You're probably not even aware how this part of you functions yet except peeing. You're so innocent." Hisoka said. Amuse at Gon's helplessness.

"WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Gon asked indignantly, trying to struggle but Hisoka is straddling him, aside from his hands being bound by bungee gum, he's clearly on Hisoka's mercy.

"In this kind of situation, your daily training, your practice and your knowledge in fighting is useless."

"R-Release me..! Hey!" Hisoka started stroking him and blood rushed both to his face and to his nether regions. He's reacting to Hisoka.

"What am I doing? I'm showing you the absolute difference in our strengths and forcing a humiliating act upon you." Hisoka's menacing words and blood thirsty eyes rendered Gon speechless for a second.

"I want to watch you as you break down to pieces. No amount of words could make you understand how much pleasure it would give me to tear you apart." That smile again. The smile that would appear in Gon's dreams more than he would ever want.

Gon could feel Hisoka's erection on his stomach. It was also deeply outlined on that fitted white pants that he adored so much because it complements his sleeveless shirt full of suit symbols. The maniacal aura emanating from Hisoka is too much.

Gon is terrified. Never in his life did he ever felt so cornered. This must be the feeling of a weak in a face of the ultimate predator. Helpless, terrified and nothing but death will awaits you. The ultimate fear of every living organism. He struggled and projected his aura to no avail.

This action seemed to only incite Hisoka's excitement into another level. His face paint and hair color that is clearly fashioned to mimic a jester became menacing to Gon's eyes. "Aahh… Gon.. Fight me a little bit more… It won't be fun anymore if you don't… Aaahhh… Yes, that's it…" Hisoka said in that awful way of speaking that he always do. He proceeded on licking Gon's cheek where he bled earlier. Running his tongue on the rim of that wound. Sucking slightly.

The taste of blood excites Hisoka even more. It heightened his already sharp senses. Gon's aura poured out of his body even more as a reflex to Hisoka's suffocating aura that clearly depicts bloodlust and carnage. "Yes, that's great. Show me more of your aura. Did you know? That the aura is the very projection of a person's individuality. Right now, your aura turns me on so much. It oozes with purity, honesty, innocence and warm.."

"I want to break you and use you and I want to see your aura metamorphosing into something menacing and full of malice before my eyes. The anticipation is enough to make me cum Gon. You wouldn't understand.." A thin smile spreading on Hisoka's face.

Gon's struggles are futile. But he's still being persistent and stubborn. The things that Hisoka is doing to him are making him feel weird and light headed. Leaving him weak and awakening him to some foreign sensations that he had never felt before. Strangely.. It felt.. good.. But not even on his dying moment that Gon would ever admit that.

"If you stopped struggling it won't hurt as much." Hisoka finally pulled his shorts away. He alternately stroke him and putting his fingers inside Gon's rear hole. That embarrassed Gon further. But at this point he finally realized that struggling is useless. But his conviction is getting stronger.

He could only think about Killua's face. Reminisce Killua's smile. And he knows he'll get through with this, stronger and ever. Because everything is for Killua. As Gon lost himself to that sensation that is slowly drowning his senses and logical thinking.

"When everything is over you'll realized the relevance of this act in order to lose your naivety and obliviousness. But a lesson without pain is meaningless, that's why I'm going to engrave this lesson upon you." Clearly, he's enjoying this. Its also demonstrated in his enormous erection as his fingers lazily stroking his shaft.

For the first time in his life, Gon learned the meaning of fear and absolute humiliation. How naïve and arrogant he is for meeting Hisoka like this, unprepared. Even death and torture wouldn't taught him this kind of lesson, won't make him realized his mistakes. But at this moment he finally realized his own mortality and accepted it as Hisoka entered him.

"T-That… hurts…..Haahh… Haaaahh…." Gon said, drops of tears spilled from his eyes involuntarily.

"If you start by saying 'Hisoka please be gentle with me', I'll think about going slowly for you." Hisoka said in that tone of voice that both seemed mocking and amused.

The pain is unbearable on its own way. Being invaded on that place, being stroked on that part is clearly clouding Gon's judgment. The pain and pleasure coursing through his veins. Stripped with his dignity and pride, Gon finally said it. "P-Please…. Be g-gentle with me…"

"Uurghh.. H-Hisoka, hurts.." Drop of tears spilling from his eyes. A sight that seemed to excite Hisoka even further. He really wanted to see this person begging, destroyed, obliterated and broken. There's no feeling on this world that would rival the feeling of destroying your favorite toy, tearing it apart and obliterate it completely. Then rebuild it from the scratch.

"Bear with it. Remember your determination and conviction when you courageously come up here.." Hisoka said as he moved his hips slowly. Letting Gon get accustomed to him. And without Gon realizing it, he started enjoying the whole ordeal. Moans escaping from his lips…

"Aahhh… AHhhhh.. Haaahhhh… H-Hisoka… " Gon's voice reverberating on the whole room. The sound echoes and doubles and to Hisoka's ears, those moans are like his favorite tunes..

As Gon relaxed and became quite used to it, Hisoka turned him around. Gon's back facing him. Sweat gleaming from his body, the musky scent that drives Hisoka crazy for Gon. Hisoka penetrated Gon so suddenly and swiftly without any warning. His whole length penetrating Gon's warm.

"Uurggghhhhh…..!" A powerful moan escaped from Gon's lips.

That sudden attack did it. Gon's cum spurting all over the floor and spilling some to Hisoka's hand that is stroking his member. Hisoka withdrew the hand and slowly licked his fingers. Licking every drop and tasting Gon's thick and creamy cum with relish."Hhmmm.." Hisoka moaned..

Hisoka is not yet finished and Gon is hard again. The embarrassment is too much for Gon, he shut his mind for a while Keeping it blank to protect his mind from the psychological humiliation that he's getting from this ordeal.

After a while that seemed like eternity, they both finished. Hisoka got up and tidy himself. Gon was left sprawled on the floor. "Did you learn your lesson, Gon?" Hisoka asked in a matter of fact way as he checked his clothes and comb his hair.

Gon slowly got up. His hips hurt like hell. But strangely he's not angry at Hisoka. Not even a bit. The lesson that Hisoka wanted to impart with him is clearly received. His eyes possessed the light of wisdom and determination. "I did." He answered timidly. He would no longer be the person he used to be.

He finally learned to fear death. To finally realized the limits of his mortality. His weakness and insignificance. And he now felt his convictions to be complete. He let out his aura and finally took his lifetime vow. He finally realized what is it he really wanted.

"I vow to only be able to use the full extent of my nen for Killua's protection and nothing else. Not even if my life in danger would I ever be allowed to use more than half of my nen abilities. If I broke the vow, I will die as punishment." With Hisoka as his witnessed he finished the vow and he felt an aura enveloping his heart. But in exchange, a great surge of power made its way to his system. He can feel it. So strong and powerful that without the limitations, it might destroy his body.

"Kukukuku, how fun. I would love to fight you right here right now to test how strong you've become. But since you wouldn't even be able to exceed half, that would be too boring.. You two are really interesting. But I bet you didn't even tell Killua yet how you feel.." Hisoka said teasingly.

"Yeah, you're right. But someday." Gon answered seriously.

"Tch, how boring. I thought you'll be going beet red in embarrassment again." Hisoka said pouting.

Gon frowned. After everything that transpired between them, its too late to be embarrassed by such teasing. Gon used Hisoka's bathroom. After he tidied himself, Hisoka is now playing with cards again. "Thanks Hisoka." Gon said as he opened the knob to exit the room and out of the floor.

Hisoka just smiled and throw something on his direction. Gon catch it. When he looked at the palm of his hands, it's a bungee gum. Hisoka's favorite gum. Then Gon walked away.

**DISCLAIMERS:**

**I don't own HXH. Thanks for reading. I'm so sick, what the heck am I thinking?!**

**This is the original version of You Are My Sun Chapter 6. I cut *that* part heavily due to the readers who's reading the story because they love GonKillu. That one, I must admit is way too much. The inspiration came from Baki the Son Of Ogre Manga. Certainly, I do enjoy raw sadisms. How bones popped out of the skin, jaw dislocations, teeth shattering, ear drums popping and tongue being torn apart.**

**Ahhh, what a turn on… I'm such a sick pervert…! Please review if you like the story…**


End file.
